One of those fights

Yeah for Thursday. I am actually glad its thursday considering the circumstances. I have decided that Jesus was right and tomorrow will worry about itself and thursday will be thursday and I will be happy because its thursday. Yesterday, being wednesday I was going to go get my woman some tie len all. I found my car would not start for no apparent reason. Finally after a jump, I just decided to come back inside and worry about today, Thursday. I have a band practice in which i am meeting some of the kids I work with for the first time. If my car wont start I cant be there and considering the circumstances my life would be ruined (that's how I felt on Wednesday). I began thinking about the fact i have a car and how lucky I am to begin with. That helped for about 3 minutes and then I started feeling bad for me again. As I was falling asleep I thought what does God want in this whole thing? Is this a life long lesson he is trying to teach me? disgusted and bitter at those words I just went to sleep. 

And here I was. Thursday. I was happy about today. I havent really thought about tomorrow yet. I woke up and immediately  went out to start the car. nothing. Got another jump and embarked on a mission to fix this car. I got into one of those fights with the lady where you go, 

ok i am going

oh but i wanna go

ok i will wait

no just go

Then I get a call saying she is upset. I personally blame that on my insensitive masculinity and personal manipulation issues. thats another entry though. I do have to brag. I did all the work. It was a dead battery and auto zone was swamped so they said here are the tools take your battery out and give it to us. So I did it. then they said your battery will blow up our store (no stretch that is a quote) if we charge it so here is a different one. put it in there. So i did it. I figure now I am a man. other then the fact that I cant make my wife happy at the moment, I believe i am a man.

So that is thursday so far. Its a good day somehow. I believe it is full of purpose and full of something that I cant see. something is filling up this room and fills my window of perception. Its really spiritual and its only thursday.

Understables are easier to throw with less power

I would like to thank Josiah for inspiring me to do this. He just seemed like he felt better after he wrote. I think I need this. I am one unstable character, kind of like an archangel dx or a champion beast that has been worn in for years. I am pretty much in love with disc golf. I dont know what happened. I went out, I did good, I enjoyed nature, now I cant stop thinking about it. 

So I am married, its pretty much the most wonderful thing. Elyse is an incredible wife. This house is full of love and commitment. Its everything I could have hoped. We havent really settled in yet. I dont know if we are going to. I guess we have a little while. We are gonna move again though. Its a good thing but it was an eye opening thing. It started making me think of God and control of life and how we just dont have any. It seems like we just follow our schedule along and live day to day following orders that my calendar barks out. Its kinda driving me crazy. I dont even give away time any more. It seems like I already sold it to life and I just keep up my end of the bargin everyday. God I wish I did not have to do that. I wish that the things that I cared about or that I thought were important got first dibs in my life as opposed to our survival. 

anyway, I guess I am going to wait to really get going on this thing. bye bye